


The One Where Dean Talks About His Feelings for Cas

by UnderwhelmingAlchemist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Fix-It, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Short, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderwhelmingAlchemist/pseuds/UnderwhelmingAlchemist
Summary: After Dean Winchester spends days drinking himself to sleep, he finally opens up to Sam about his feelings about Cas's death. Very short, written in half an hour and not beta read. Spoilers for 15.18
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 15





	The One Where Dean Talks About His Feelings for Cas

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is very short, and also my first time writing Supernatural fanfiction, so it might not be excellent, but I had a scene in my brain and I needed to get it out. I was hoping Supernatural would address Cas's last scene, but they didn't, so I'm posting this. I'll probably be writing an alternative ending scene in heaven eventually too, because if the SPN writers won't give me destiel I will make some goddammit.

Dean sat slumped against the wall of the bunker, beer in hand. He’d already drank himself to sleep the night before, and the night before that. It was only noon, so he hadn’t moved on to the hard liquor yet. So he just sat nursing his cheap, shitty beer, thinking over the events of a few days past. 

He heard footsteps, and the next thing he knew, he was staring at a pair of legs. Then Sam was crouching down to be on eye level with him. “Hey, Dean? We should probably talk.”

“About what? There’s nothing to talk about. Cas is dead, end of story. The empty got him.”

“Well we’ve saved him before, right? We can save him again.”

“Sammy, don’t you get it? There’s no coming back from this. I don’t even know where we’d start getting him back.”

Sam sighed, moving to sit with his legs crossed in front of Dean. “This isn’t like you. I mean, in the past we’ve saved people from everything imaginable. Why can’t we save Cas?”

Dean was silent. 

“Do you even want to save Cas?”

“Of course I want to fucking save Cas. Do you have any idea how I feel about this bullshit?”

“Well, no. You haven’t even told me how he died, really. Just that the empty got him.”

Dean took another swig of his beer before speaking. “He told me he loved me.”

“What?”

“He said the empty would come get him when he had his happiest moment. And then he said some bullshit about how he didn’t need to have the thing to be happy, he just had to say it, and then he told me he loved me and this giant fucking hole opened up and just sort of absorbed him and Billy.”

Sam blinked a few times in surprise. “Wow. That’s… a lot.”

“I know.” Dean couldn’t quite bring himself to look up at Sam’s face. Instead he just stared at the beer bottle in his hand.

“And how do you feel about that?”

“I dunno. Haven’t really been thinking about it.”

“Liar.”

“What?” Dean finally looked up, clearly offended. “What do you mean, ‘liar’?”

“I mean that if you weren’t thinking about it, you wouldn’t be drinking yourself half to death over it.”

Dean turned his attention back to the beer bottle. He was quiet for a long moment, and when he spoke, it was subdued. “…I loved him, Sammy. Maybe not at first. Definitely not at first. But he kinda grew on me, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And now he’s gone. He sacrificed himself. To save me. And I never got a chance to tell him I loved him too.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Sam sighed again, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Hey. Listen. I know you’re upset, but Cas wouldn’t want this for you. He didn’t give his life just so you could drink yourself into a coma every night.”

Dean was silent. He knew Sam was right. 

“We’re going to get him back one day. And when we do, you’re not going to be drunk. And you can tell him then.” Sam stood up, holding his hand out to Dean. “Come on. Let’s go get some actual food in you.”

Dean studied the hand for a moment, then took it and allowed Sam to haul him to his feet. He was a little unsteady and his head pounded, but he was upright. That was a step in the right direction. “Then we’re gonna get Cas back.”

“Then we’re going to get Cas back.”


End file.
